Clarysta Tries to Brain

Want to feel silly? Go do Shire quests at level 65. Dude, I’m Champion of the Lone-lands, and I’ve killed the Balrog and the Lieutenant of Dol Guldur, but I’m apparently no match for a hobbit with an appetite for pies or mail. “I’ll whack you with my legendary sword, you little … halfling … you!” Doesn’t work. You can’t target the sneaky little things.

Clarysta’s Virtue Deeding Tips:

1) Always level in the Shire. That’s my motto from now on. The Shire quest deed requires 75! quests, Bree is 45 and Ered Luin is only 30. I think the Shire dev had a bloated sense of self-importance, or they started to make all the area quest deeds 75 and then went, “Dude, no, that’s way too many,” and forgot to fix the Shire. ./shakefist

2) Level as many friends, family, acquaintances and perfect strangers as possible. Tell them they have to kill all mobs because they “need the kill XP,” and they’ll “level faster if they kill everything in the area.” Laugh evilly as they finish your deeds for you.

3) Some of the deeds, like Trollshaws crawlers, Lone-lands lurkers and Annuminas Gerthryg, will make you fat. While you are completing these, you will eat those giant plastic containers of fake Cheetos, and you will forget to go to the gym. Or outside. For weeks.

4) You will get rich. With just 2 deeds - wights in the Trollshaws and Dourhands in Forochel, I made 8 gold. Who knows how much more I would have made if I had remembered to sell before I went out there. Sigh.

5) You will talk to the mobs. “Here grimmy grim! Here grimmy grim!” “That’s a good little dwarf, path right over to Mama, k?” “I swear, if you disarm me one more time…” If they start talking back to you, call your doctor right away. Well, as soon as you finish tier one of the deed.

The real key to success? You need a champ. Seriously, without AoE, Don’t Attempt This at Home. If you don’t have a champ of your own, find one. They’re all over the place, especially the 21st Hall, pretending that sparring is a useful measure of skill. (Not The Champ, of course.) Feed him well (champs really like desserts, but not those stinky pies from the Shire), say thank you when you’re done, and the champ will be happy because, well, they are really really good at this and they like that you know it. Shing-shing!

It’s Screen Shot Time!

Grims. In Forochel. The words most likely to spawn crickets in the GLFF. There is one location in the ice crevice north of Kaupa-whatever that has 6, yes exactly 6 grims. For the deed, you need 300. You do the math. (Yes, please do the math for me. I have trouble braining on Sundays.)

Which way did he go, George? Which way did he go?

All done with Grims, so now it’s Bub-bye!